The Old Elizabethan Association

The gentleman’s game of croquet turns out to have brought out the worst in some of our members at our Croquet Afternoon on 19 August.

Our host was Roger Perrot, a noted croquet exponent and author of the little known Perrot’s Rules. His beautiful St Saviour’s house provided the perfect setting for a summer afternoon’s sport, following an excellent buffet lunch. Perrot generously dispensed a delicious Pimms from a watering can throughout the afternoon. Its effects caused one member to dub it ‘Paraquat Punch’.

An introduction to the rules – his rules – by our non-playing host produced puzzled looks amongst the sixteen players who had turned up to take part in a tournament of heats, semi-finals and finals.

How to roquet? When to croquet? Whether to hit the peg at the end of the course and be termed ‘pegged out’. Why were the hoops, which are called ‘wickets’, so narrow?

Family member was set against family member as the teams lined up for the toss and set out on a course through the wickets which seemed impossibly long. Dry surface conditions, divots, Pimms and the wind direction were all reasons given by some of the players for their poor performance.

As the afternoon progressed, some of the more imaginative players began to realise that the game wasn’t just about getting through the wickets to the peg first. Much more satisfying was preventing your opponent from getting there. Given the choice of finishing the course or knocking an opponent’s ball into the bushes, the latter seemed to appeal and family battles began to evolve.

President Jerry Girard and his wife Gill were pitched against each other in the final, with John Willis and daughter Sarah also on opposing sides. Every time one Girard came close to a wicket, the other would roquet – touch the opponent’s ball – then croquet the offending ball into oblivion. This went on for some time before the players decided to bring matters to a close just as the Pimms ran out.

Winners were our President, Jerry Girard, and Sarah Willis, who each received a bottle of champagne. Cries of ‘fix!’ fell on deaf ears.

Chris Meinke, 5221

Pictures of the event